So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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