Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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