Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
