I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
