I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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