the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
