I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
