Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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