Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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