Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
