let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
