that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
