okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
