piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
