We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
