How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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