Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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