now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
