he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
