I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
