hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I see more hoeing in ur future
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