I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
