god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
