I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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