I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
