dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
