I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Alive.
So much puke
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
try to milk me bitch
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