I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
