It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's great music for shaving your balls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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