I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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