i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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