he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize