whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
