i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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