you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
