I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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