She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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