He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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