if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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