God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
