Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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