You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
