every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize