I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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