is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
