You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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