First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
