I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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