Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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