There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
