Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
