Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
