I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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