it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
