His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
