This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
