his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
