life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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