glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
