i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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