I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
