we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
