Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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