I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
