I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
