scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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