nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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