He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
