walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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