so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.