Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties