you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza