Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  It breaks. We fall.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?

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  (443): So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in. (443): It breaks. We fall. (443): I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys? http://tfl.nu/201c
  Replies (14) Good night (409) Bad night (2955)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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  (217): i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that. http://tfl.nu/jmlu
  Replies (43) Good night (1388) Bad night (2726) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

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  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
  Replies (7) Good night (5204) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.

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  (504): Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind. http://tfl.nu/yydb
  Replies (23) Good night (4849) Bad night (1743) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

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  (913): You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup http://tfl.nu/bt9z
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (4227) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

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  (651): I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job http://tfl.nu/40rf
  Replies (62) Good night (6415) Bad night (1829) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (50) Good night (2302) Bad night (7661) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?

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  (516): do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ? http://tfl.nu/or6i
  Replies (6) Good night (2621) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?

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  (931): EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011? http://tfl.nu/cw71
  Replies (15) Good night (3656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.

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  (603): Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/rqjn
  Replies (8) Good night (2187) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.

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  (760): all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing. http://tfl.nu/78qs
  Replies (6) Good night (1798) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day

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  (970): You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day http://tfl.nu/to93
  Replies (6) Good night (1774) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.

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  (817): Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s. http://tfl.nu/orrl
  Replies (3) Good night (2519) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

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  (310): Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12 http://tfl.nu/ovmd
  Replies (3) Good night (1358) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next

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  (612): They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next http://tfl.nu/mqm0
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt

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