hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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She even gives head with a lisp.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.