Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.