The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
