More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
