i think my tv is drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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