I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
