he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
