there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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