please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
