trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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