i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
