What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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