she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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