I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
