So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
