I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
