Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
