ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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